**NOTE: I drop the f*bomb in this post. Multiple times. My apologies to my mother, and others offended, but you've been warned!
My friend, JB, and I think. A lot. Too much. We're over-thinkers. We analyze everything. During one of our many spill sessions with each other, JB called it think fucking. We are think fuckers. Later in the conversation, I said that we just need to focus on what we know, because we're always playing the "what if" game and the "but maybe..." game. And so, our new life mantra was created: stop think fucking and focus on what you know.
Well, that's a lot harder than you may realize. Since we came up with this mantra, I've done much better. However, what happens in a situation when what you know is...nothing? Then all there is to do is think. And wonder. And analyze. I've had a few days like that lately. Today being one of them. The last time it happened, I caught myself and repeated "stop thinking fucking. focus on what you know." in my head. And then I acted. Because I didn't know what I needed to know. So I took the steps that needed to be taken to gain that knowledge. And felt a whole lot better afterwards.
What I've learned in the last few months is that some people will like me, and some won't. Some want similar things that I do, and some don't. Some are easy to get a long with and to be with and I just feel connected with them. Others...nothing. But in either situation, I've learned that instead of over analyzing how I'm feeling or trying to over think what has happened or could happen, I need to just act. Say what I feel. Say what I want. Because otherwise I'm wasting time. Mine and theirs. And life is too short to do that.
So I've gotten pretty honest. With myself, and with others. Now, don't take this the wrong way - I'm not going around telling people I don't like them and why. I'm just not holding on to my feelings if something doesn't feel right...or if it feels darn near perfect. And that is liberating. To not hold on to feelings and to just let myself be honest with myself. It's really great.
I still over think. A lot. But I've learned to become more aware of it, and I've learned that sometimes I just need to take the risk and say how I'm feeling. That is so much healthier than holding it in. And even if the consequence isn't great, I'm happier knowing that I've said what I wanted to say.