I've had some rough months. There have been a lot of fun moments and great memories involved, but I've also made some choices I'm not proud of. Looking back, there are far too many times when I don't even recognize the girl that lived my life between July and November.
So I'm here to say...I'm going to back to being me. I'm going back to the person that I'm proud, happy and comfortable being.
What does this mean? Well, for some people, they won't even notice a change. If that's the case, I probably didn't see that person very often in the last few months. Others will be so happy to see the real Crystal back. And some...well, some people aren't going to like it. Because this means that some people can't be in my life. Not right now at least, and maybe not ever.
These are hard decisions to come to, but I need to get my life back.
I've been in this place before, this place that requires me to hurt some people in order to take control of my own life. It sucked then, and it sucks now. But what I learned from that situation is that there are times in your life when it is ok to be selfish, to do what you feel is right in your heart and not worry what other people are going to think. That situation called for me to do it, and so does this one.
I find it funny (maybe not the right word...) that so many things were made clear to me in such a short period of time. I'm not sure what the catalyst was, or if there was only one, but something happened that set this all in motion. And while I'm grateful for it, I wish it would have happened in smaller pieces!
I'm going to back to the basics. It is going to hurt, it won't be fun, but it could be worse...it could be raining. And it will be worth it. I know it. I need me back.