Full disclosure: I have no idea where to start with this post, or where it is going to go. But I need to write.
A few years ago, I wrote about how my life is like a baseball game. How I anticipate a fast ball, and get a curve ball. Well, history repeated itself in the craziest and most unexpected way. In December 2011, I was thrown a ball that should have been a sure thing. But it wasn't right. Last fall, the same ball came my way again, but with better conditions. This time, this time it would be it. This was my grand slam, I could feel it. Well, as can happen in baseball, what should have been a grand slam turned out to be a double. Imagine the disappointment. So close. But so far.
But the game must continue. The world doesn't stop for a broken heart. Instead, it leads you closer to God. How sad is that reality? We grow closer to God when we are lost and broken and in pain. What about those times when we are giddy-ly happy, high on life--why don't we turn to God as often in those times?
I'm making a promise to myself right now: when my heart heals and this season passes, I'm going to continue to need God as much as I do right now. I'm going to continue to pray to him daily. Hourly. Like I am right now to ask for strength.
Coincidentally, God played a major role in this "grand slam turned double" until the last month. Daily thankful/grateful lists mentioned His plan, and our gratitude for it. It's interesting that when those lists stopped, the ball slowed down, missed its target of a grand slam over the fence and turned into a disappointing double.
I could be mad at God for this. I could shake my fist in the air, tears streaming down my face, asking why. But I'm not. I've been through enough trials that my relationship with God is stronger than that. Thank goodness. No one needs to see that hot mess! Instead, I am leaning in to Him. I am leaning in for strength. For courage. For understanding. And I know that when this is over...as in, when my heart is whole again...my relationship with God will be that much stronger. And because of that, I am grateful for the curve ball.