Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Single, happy, and empowered


Once upon a time, I promised to write about my journey in singledom. Well, now I am almost 4 months into it and I have pretty much not written about it at all. But that is about to change! I am going to start this off by saying something that I have said in the past, but now know that I never truly meant: I am totally capable of being happy and single.

Whoa.

I have said this many times in the past, when friends or family would tell me to take a break from dating. I would respond that I really hadn't dated anyone in over a year, and was fine with that. But that's because I was using "dated" in a very broad way. I have not truly been single since freshman year in high school. Seriously. I have not always been "in a relationship" or "dating" during that time, but there has always been someone occupying some portion of my mind, my time, and my heart.

I am really proud to say that right now, the only person occupying my mind, time and heart...is myself. That is truly revolutionary to me. I don't have anyone to text when I feel like flirting, I don't have someone I can call for a hook up (not that I've ever done that, obviously) and I definitely don't have anyone to plan dates with.

And guess what?

I am ok. More than ok. I am, for what is likely the very first time in my entire life, totally and completely happy with my own company. I cannot even begin to explain how empowering this is!

As I get older, I become more of an introvert. With that, I have learned to enjoy my "me time" more. But prior to this singledom pledge, even my "me time" would be entangled with another person-- via texting, or what not. Now, my "me time" is exactly that...it is time for me, without anyone else pulling my attention away.

The timing of this revelation has been great. With starting a new job, especially a live-in, nights & weekend on-call position like mine, I am focusing on finding good balance. If I were dating right now, my "nights off" would likely not be focused on re-energizing or spending time on myself. They would be date nights, and movie nights, and dinners in, and nights spent texting for hours. Makes me tired just thinking of it ;)

Another great part of learning to like being single: learning my standards. Now that I know I can be happy by myself, I won't feel nearly as tempted to lower my standards when I reenter the dating world. Over the last four years, I think I said yes to guys just because I was scared of being alone. Yes, I really did like some of the guys I dated, but there are also a handful that I think about now and wonder what in the devil I was thinking! It is empowering to know that I can go into now with high standards and high expectations...and the patience to wait for them to be met.